The First Church Of Bikini Bottom
by fishsticks4jesus
Summary: Sandy's cousin, Candy, helps Bikini Bottom build its first Christian church. You'll never guess who's in charge of it! CONTENT WARNING: A character uses the Lord's name in vain.
1. The Strength Of the Lord

**The First Church of Bikini Bottom  
>By fishsticks4jesus<strong>

**Chapter 1:  
>The Strength of the Lord<strong>

One day, Candy Squirrel was visiting Bikini Bottom to see her cousin, Sandy, and they went to the Krusty Krab because Candy wanted to see where SpongeBob worked.

"So this is where you work, SpongeBob? It's so shiny!" Candy said.

"Yes, Candy, it's very shiny, just like my holy spatula" SpongeBob said, holding up a golden spatula.

Sandy giggled. "Where did you get that, SpongeBob?"

"I'm not really sure. I just found it one day. Maybe God sent it to me."

"That's amazing!" Candy said. "I'm glad your relationship with God is still growing."

"It is and I'm still spreading His word," SpongeBob said.

"It's true!" Squidward said. "He keeps quiet about it at work, but when the day is through, he just won't shut up about Jesus."

"Well, someone has to do it," Candy said, "but what Bikini Bottom really needs is a church. Who would lead it, though? I've got to minister to animals on the land, too, so I'm not sure I could do it."

"I would, but I'm pretty busy here at the Krusty Krab," SpongeBob said.

"Hm. What about you, Sandy?"

"Aw shucks. You know I'm not that good at speakin', but I'd be more than happy to volunteer my time to a church once one gets started," Sandy said.

"I'm sure God will let me know who should lead," Candy said.

Just then, an alarm went off.

"He's coming!" SpongeBob yelled.

Mr. Krabs suddenly ran out front. "Defensive positions, everyone!" he yelled.

"What's goin' on?" Candy asked.

"Shh, get down. He'll see us," Sandy said, hiding behind a table. Candy did as she was told even though she had no idea who she was hiding from.

Just then, Plankton walked through the door.

Candy caught a glimpse of him and started cracking up. "That's it? That's what y'all are afraid of?"

"Who's the new girl?" Plankton asked.

No one answered. Candy sighed and walked over to Plankton. "My name is Candy and..."

Plankton covered his ears. "Pipe down just a bit. Your voice is painful to someone as small as I."

"Oh, sorry," Candy whispered. "Anyway, my name is Candy Cheeks and I'm Sandy's cousin."

"That's nice," Plankton said. "Now will you give me a Krabby Patty?"

"I don't see why not," Candy said. "Can someone get this customer a Krabby Patty?"

"He's not a customer," Squidward said. "He's just a dirty thief who wants to steal the Krabby Patty secret recipe."

"He wants to _steal?_ God doesn't like stealing."

"Cry me a river!" Plankton said.

Candy frowned, but look thoughtful. "Oh, a tough guy, are ya? Well, that doesn't mean I can't get through to you. SpongeBob and Sandy? Show him one of your Godly Karate demonstrations."

"You can't be serious," Squidward said.

"I am completely serious," Candy said. She pulled two wooden boards out of nowhere. "Now do it for _JESUS!_" Candy said. Her eyes turned green.

"This is going to be pathetic," Plankton said.

"Let's go!" Candy said. She held one of the boards in front of her.

"The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart!" SpongeBob yelled. He broke the board Candy was holding with a karate kick.

"Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle!" Sandy broke the other board with a karate chop.

SpongeBob and Sandy then did a few karate flips in front of Candy and then they assumed victory positions. "PRAISE JESUS! YEAH!" they both said.

"Are you done?" Plankton asked.

"Uh-huh," SpongeBob said.

"Great, then I'm going home. I'll come back to steal the Krabby Patty secret recipe when the annoying squirrel is gone. I'll see you around," Plankton said, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Candy said. "Just hear me out, OK?"

"If it'll make you shut up, I'll do anything," Plankton said.

"OK. Look, I'm gonna give you your own tiny Bible. Go home and read the chapters I've marked 'cause they're all about Jesus." Candy's eyes turned silver and she pulled a tiny Bible out of nowhere. She handed it to Plankton and said, "I'll come over to the Chum Bucket on Saturday to discuss it, OK?" Candy said.

"I'll take it and then I'll try to figure out a nice trap for you to fall into when you come over." Plankton said, taking the tiny book.

"Sounds like a deal," Candy said.

"Good. I'll see you later," Plankton said, leaving the building.

"Candy, are you _nuts_?" Sandy asked. "I know you mean well, but he said he was gonna set a trap for you. It's dangerous! You don't have to do this!"

Candy laughed, "Aw, Cousin, can it be any more dangerous than the experiments you've put me through throughout the years? I survived most of them. Sure, one of your robots killed me, but God brought me back better and stronger than ever. I can get through this."

"But Candy..." SpongeBob said.

"Look, I'm glad y'all are worried about me, but I think God sent Plankton my way for a reason. I'm not gonna ignore that. Just pray for me if you're worried, OK?"

"If you say so, Candy, but I'm not sure if this is going to work," Sandy said.

"Have faith in me!" Candy said. "Now I must make preparations. Farewell." Her wings popped out of her back and she flew out the door.

"I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that," Squidward said.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Oh Candy! Don't do that! Noooo! :(


	2. Confronting Plankton

**Chapter ****Two**

**Confronting**** Plankton**

A few days later, Candy flew over to The Chum Bucket. She noticed the door was open a crack. "That's awfully suspicious," she said. "Jesus, grant me sight!" Candy's irises turned black with a bright green outline and her pupils were also bright green. Now she could see through walls. She looked up and noticed there was a bucket on the top. She sniffed the air and her superior squirrel senses told her the bucket was full of glue. "Wow. That's the brilliant trap he had days to construct? Don't tell me there's also feathers involved. Well, it doesn't matter. God will get me through this door and everything else." She hovered above the ground a bit and then she went through the door like a ghost, leaving the bucket untouched.

She flew ahead a bit and noticed that there were some tin cans she was supposed to have tripped over. She flew over them muttering to herself, "I think I know what's next. Yeah, I was right." She flew over a pile of feathers. She didn't see anything after that so she said, "Thank you, Jesus," and her eyes turned blue. She landed on the other side of the pile of feathers. She stepped forward a bit and suddenly, a really loud alarm went of. The lights in the Chum Bucket flashed rapidly. Candy hid her wings and watched as Plankton emerged from a back room.

"HAHAHA!" Plankton laughed evilly. "I am victorious!" He was holding a remote with a big red button in one of his hands.

"What happens now the alarm went off?" Candy asked.

"Nothing. That was just my signal to come out here and gloat about how humiliated you are!" He pushed the red button on the remote. The lights went back to normal and the alarm stopped. "Jesus Christ, my clever trap didn't touch you at all!"

Candy gasped. "Don't use the Lord's name in vain!"

"Why not? Does that hurt your feelings? I better do it some more. Jesus Christ! Jesus Christ!"

Candy covered her ears. "My...one...weakness..." she said weakly. She collapsed on the floor writhing with pain. Her wings became visible and fell pathetically by her side.

"Jesus Christ! What kind of creature are you?"

"A squirrel angel," Candy said softly. "I'm here to talk to you about God."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Plankton is such a meanie head. Don't use the Lord's name in vain!


	3. Story Time

**Chapter Three  
><strong>

**Story Time**

Plankton gasped. He ran over and took one of Candy's wings in his hand. He shook it fervently. "These wings are real, aren't they?"

"Yes, they are," Candy said. "Now will you please put it down?"

"Oh, sorry," Plankton said.

"And will you also quit saying the lord's name in vain?"

Plankton sighed. "I suppose so. It is fun, though."

Candy slowly sat up. She regained her composure and slowly folded her wings. "Knowing God and Jesus is far more fun than causing suffering in others," she said. Her eyes turned purple.

"Is it more fun than uranium bombs?"

"Yes, of course it is. Did you read the Bible stories I marked for you?"

"Yes I did. Well, my computer wife, Karen, read them to me before bed."

"And what did you think about it?"

"I think it's fun to say 'JESUS CHRIST' a lot!"

"Stopitstopitstopit!" Candy whined, covering her ears.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that. It won't happen again."

Candy sighed and uncovered her ears. "Seriously, Plankton, what did you think about Jesus?" Candy's eyes turned pink.

"Well, he seemed like and OK guy and all. I would totally hang out with him and maybe that God guy. It's cool that Jesus was willing to die for all the bad people in the world. There's just something I don't get."

"And what's that?"

"What's in it for me? The whole reason I'm so mean is because I'm just so _tiny__._ I mean, look at me! It's hard for a guy like me to get ahead in the world. Does God even care about an insignificant creature like me?"

Candy smiled. "I'm glad you asked that." She pulled out a giant Bible from nowhere. She flipped through it until she got to 1 Samuel. "There's a story in here just for you. I should have marked it. Do you want to hear it?"

"Only if you're better at telling stories than my computer wife."

Candy laughed. "I'll try. Well, a long time ago, the land of Israel was at war with the land of Philistine."

"Bor-ing!" Plankton said.

"Well, it gets better. See, the Philistines told King Saul of Israel that if they could defeat their best fighter, a really tall guy named Goliath, the war would be over."

"I don't want to hear about a really tall guy! I can't relate to him!"

Candy laughed. "It's OK. This isn't really his story. This is a story about a boy named David."

"David, huh? Wow. So he wasn't very big?"

"He was a lot smaller than Goliath, anyway, but he knew that God was on his side so he decided he was going to fight the giant."

"Wow! And then what happened?"

"Well, David rounded up a bunch of pebbles from a stream and he got his sling ready to fight Goliath. Goliath was wearing armor and carried a shield and he looked pretty intimidating, but David wasn't scared."

"He trusted God _that__ much_? Against a big scary man?"

"Yes. He knew the battle belonged to God and he sent a stone flying at Goliath's head. Goliath fell over. David won!"

"Hot dog! That's an amazing story! If God can help a shrimpy guy like David surely God can help me smite Mr. Krabs!"

Candy laughed. "Well, Mr. Krabs might be a bit stingy, but God doesn't want you to kill him."

"Tartar sauce."

"Don't worry, Plankton. I think God sent you to me for a reason. I'm gonna help you study the Bible and know God and Jesus. God has a very special plan for you." Candy's eyes turned gold.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** WHAT IS IT? OH, CANDY, TELL ME WHAT THE PLAN IS? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO, ARE YOU? :(


	4. A Few Months Later

**Chapter ****Four**

**A**** Few**** Months**** Later**

The Chum Bucket was under construction for a few months. This drove Mr. Krabs crazy! "I just know he's hiding something evil under that giant tarp! I just know it!"

Squidward groaned. "Whatever it is, I hope that he gets done with it soon so you can quit stressing out about it."

Finally, one Sunday morning, Plankton revealed what he was working on. The Chum Bucket was now the First Church of Bikini Bottom. It was all shiny and there was a cross on the top. Plankton was the pastor and was wearing a beautiful black robe and a pretty purple sash with crosses on it.

Mr. Krabs walked over with his mouth agape. "What in blue blazes has gotten into you? What kind of trap is this?"

Plankton laughed gently. "It's not a trap. I met an angel and she showed me the way. The Chum Bucket never got much business, anyway. I'm now going to spread God's word amongst the sea creatures of Bikini Bottom."

Mr. Krabs laughed heartily. "Sure ya are, Plankton. Sure ya are. Well, I'm not fallin' for it. It's time for me to go back to work."

As Mr. Krabs went back to the Krusty Krab, Plankton sighed. "One of these days, maybe he'll also see God's light. Well, it doesn't matter. I've got plenty of others to help."

A long stream of families with kids began arriving at the church, eager to see what was going on. Plankton welcomed all of them and Karen helped looked after the kids. Fish of all kinds filled the pews as Plankton gave a sermon.

"I want to tell all of you the truth," Plankton began. "God has a special plan for you, just like He had a special plan for me."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I think this is the best story I ever wrote. =) God loves everyone.


End file.
